I finally put together a collection of all of my 524 saved Away Messages
from AOL Instant Messenger. It's mainly because when I run a web search to see if anyone else out
there has thought of some clever twist on a phrase that I've just thought of, I usually can't find
anything. So perhaps if someone else out there in the world has the same problem, s/he can find
the joke they're looking for on this page and know that s/he is not alone!
Back to the Aquiline Studios main site
"After all, pop is just watered-down rock... and rock is just watered-down blues... and blues is just watered-down jazz... and jazz is just watered-down Stravinsky."
- Bob, Cox, Scumby, and Daphne, 00.2
"How about a nice Falcon Punch?" "Suuuure!"
"L, do you know love apples? Gods of death."
"ORBS OF POWER!!! MERGE WITH THE BLOOD OF THE 18th ANGEL CHILD AND BRING BACK THE LORD OF DARKNESS!!! COME NOW AND BRING HIM BACK!! SOME!!!"
"Ridicule can do much, for instance embitter the existence of young talents; but one thing is not given to it, [namely,] to put a stop permanently to the incursion of new and powerful ideas."
- Aron Nimzovich
"This Away Message are sick."
'Cause I'm out gettin' food.
1. I have not committed the ultimate act of nihilism: I have not killed the queen.
You better be ready to... be ready to JUMP!
MY NAME IS SCINTILLA
HOW DO YOU DO
NOW YOU GONNA DIE
'Cause I'm the BEEEEEEEEP! that named you Sue.
A trap for ho-hos. I've just made it, and I'm waiting for the ho-ho to come-come.
A V.I.L.E. henchman! You must be on the right track.
A, B, C, D, E, F, Cookie Monster!
Aaaaand we're back to the crushing.
When Accu-Weather™ says it's gonna rain, IT USUALLY RAINS!
Scintilla: Apply directly where it hurts.™
Adam lay ybounden 'cause he was into S&M...
O coooooome all ye faaaaaithfuuuuuul!
NO! We ain't gonna TAKE it!
How'bout - a badabada chickenpotPIE!
How'bout - a badabada chickenpotPIE!
After Effects? In MY video? It's more likely than you think.
AaaaaaaJAX! Laundry Deterrrrrgent! It's Darker than BLACK!
ALL HAIL UNC! UNC IS LIFE!
All I wanted was a week without overtime, just ONE week without overtime, and they wouldn't give it to me!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Scintilla... and all who see my Away Message meet death!
Am I not merciful?! I am DEVO!
And DON'T SLAM THE-- ... door.
And that sound means my power steering fluid's running out, so it's time to give my steering wheel a FINAL SPIN. My car is worth nothing; consonants are worth...
And you DON'T offer an emperor a warm 7-Up!
And you may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house!"
No one really goes to Prudential for the drinks, but we make sure our drinks won't kill you. This is something you must remember.
Are we not Lancers? We are Evo!
Are you strong enough to be my man AND a bad enough dude to rescue the President?
Away Messages makes nice crispy bake.
Away Messages need furrrr! Duhhhh!
When I go driving, I stay in my la-YEEEEEENE!
But getting cut off, it makes me insa-YEEEEEEENE!
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana plug!
FLY BABY SHOES
FLY BABY SHOES
FLY BABY SHOES
SO I KNEW SHE WOULDN'T LOSE
Baaaaarney Yahoo!, with his yah-yah-yahooey eyes!
In summerrrrrrrr! In winterrrrrrrrr!
In spriiiiiiiiiiiiing! In faaaaaaaaaaall!
In the daaaaaaaaay! In the niiiiiiiiiiiiight!
I wanna beeeeee yooooooour loverrrrrrrrr!
Because ten billion years' time is so fragile, so ephemeral... it arouses such a bittersweet, almost heartbreaking fondness.
Well, I can't argue with that. But you know what, P.J.? I don't really know this part, so I'm just going to have to fake my way through it, and... it'll really happen!
"I need! Six eggs!" "That's too expensive."
There must be more than this prudential life!
She lies and says she's in love with him
Can't find a better man...
Beyond this door is a dimension of sound. DON'T TOUCH THE DOOR DON'T TOUCH THE DOOR.
Big Big Bailoooout!
Put it together and what do you get?
Billions of dollars of government debt!
Big Big Loaderrrrrrr! Put it together and what do you get?
BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL! Inertia is a property of matter.
I'D LIKE TO HEAR SOME F***ING DIXIELAND!
Hitchin' for the runnin' (dun nun da nun nun)
HEAD OUT ON THAT HIGHWAY (dun nun da nun nun)
Read between the lines
What's dup and everything's all right
What I really need to do is find myself a brand new ¼" TRS extension cable.
Pleeeease uuuundeeerstaaaaaand... if love iiiiis,
Then I promise you I promise you that...
And Britons never, never, never shall be Slavs!
I brux, I am bruxing, I bruxed, I have bruxed.
As if I really needed MORE dental problems.
Six feet of bubble wrap! FOR YOU! Not them.
Despite all my rage, I am still just a guy in a cubicle.
... Wait, that doesn't even rhyme.
Rally 'round the FAMily!
With a pocket full of $#!@!
Kentucky Fried Chicken and the Pizza Hut!
Kentucky Fried Chicken and the Pizza Hut!
Burn, burn, burn the wood burn!
But you're not gettin' all that! All you're gettin'... is BANANAS and UNDERWEAR.
Can you believe how much......... Pringles you got?
Smile! You're on Candace Cameron.
We all live in a capital eye
In the middle of the desert, in the center of the sky
Dance on me, Holmes! Kappa in a handbag!
Yours, tell me yours! I'm gonna stake a bandstand!
It's no lie! Misa in the crumbs and
Look at me, howl at me, caramel dancin'!
Oh, and by the way: CARTHAGE MUST BE DESTROYED!
We are the cartoon he-e-roes, oh-WO-oh!
Lost without a cat's eye!
Magic play is dancing!
Something in the light of the moon!
Anakin, you're breaking my heart!
... You're shaking my confidence, baby!
I wish I had turned awAYYYYY before she caught my eye.
... and it's not okay because if they take my ChapStick then I'll set the terminal on fire.
Chuckie, look at this Away Message! It's flat!
Passing trains that have no names
Graveyards full of old black men
And the train yards of the restless automobiles
Civil disorder in Boonton! Mayor flees in panic.
Civil disorder in Branchburg! Mayor flees in panic.
Civil disorder in Ewing! Mayor flees in panic.
Civil disorder in Forest Hill! Mayor flees in panic.
Civil disorder in Stirling! Mayor flees in panic.
Civil disorder in West Paterson! -- oh, you know the rest.
Class of some sort.
IIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M THE COOOOOOOOOLOR OF BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE!
Can't I have a cool, refreshing Zima?
So tell me, am I very... faaaaaaaaaaaar?
Am I very far now? We're not very far now!
We're not very far now!
Yes the dreidel of love......... don't rock eeeeeeasyyyyyy!
One! Two! Three four five!
Break the door, let's get out of here!
I DON'T WANNA KNOW
WHAT THEY SAY NO NO I DON'T CARE
They're squirmy! They're wormy! They're purple and green!
They're the grossest little creatures that you've ever seen!
How can I look in your eyes?
When I feel like a guy, I have to run away
Daririram, dariram, dariram...
Take your baby by the wrist
And in her mouth then ram a fist
And in a race you suck fast blue
And you need her and she needs you
Dancedancing or something similar.
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me!
I'm not here, but please do leave a message.
Diabeetus diaBEETUS! Di...aBEETUS!
Diabeetus diaBEETUS! Di...aBEETUS!
Diabeetus diaBEETUS! Oh oh oh diabeetus!
Did I say no purple dragons? DID I?!
Do as you like with them. DROWN them.
Do you like Mudkips? Yeah we like Mudkips!
Do do da do, can't wait to get a mouthful!
Doing stuff around the house.
Don't bite the mailman, like-a what you sayyyyyyy!
Like a dog, I'll put you in... a muzzle!
I'll break you in pieces like a jigsaw puzzle!
I'll wreck your rhymes and I'll murder your style!
I'm the one up on the stand and you're on trial!
I can't find all the right romantic lines.
Dude, You're Gettin' an Audioscrobbler.™
I! Don't! Wanna give up!
Gonna have a party, have a real breakdown!
And Al-bert's vi-sion is bloom-ing un-con-trolled
But some-thing's bet-ter on the oth-er siiiiide
You just might wake up BRAIN DEAD!
ERTL makes 'em just like the REAL thing! ... Only bigger.
Ever notice how my Away Messages these days never really tell you where I am anymore?
Every time you masturbate, Nagisa Kaoru kills a kitten.
I'm gettin' tired of waitin' and foolin' around
I want somebody who won't make me feel like a clown
This can't go OOOOOOOOOOOON
Looooooove Potion Number 9
Pass = Very Yes.
EXCEPT IN NEBRASKA!
Dreams and love! Shake your body soul!
You were born here, oh yes, exotic Japan!
So I went and asked his neighbours
But his neighbours said to GO AWAY!
I just want to make one thing clear... I do NOT like Julia Roberts movies!
12:30: Computer Science III
1:00: TSCE meeting in Social Sciences 128
10:00: Operating Systems
2:00: Psychology 101
4:00: Principles of Microeconomics
I don't wanna waste my time! Become another casualty of the Society!
An Away Message is just an Away Message, but Fig Newtons are fruit and cake.
The second rule of navigating the Somerville Circle is that you do not talk about the Somerville Circle.
Ash! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of the Pokémon!
Bash! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of the terminal!
Cash! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of the economy!
Crash! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of the Playstation!
M*A*S*H! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of the battlefield!
Nash! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of game theory!
Slash! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of the rock'n'roll!
Vash! *boom* AH-AAAAHHHHHH!!! Saviour of Gunsmoke!
Big O! AH-AAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Saviour of the universe!
Flying my Learjet to Nova Scotia to see a total eclipse of the sun.
For the love of God, Montresor!
Forest Hill Food Party! Sons of Liberty throw 3 tons of Food into the sea at Newark! Colonists refuse to pay new tax.
Do you really want to live forever...?
Then let me Build-a-Bear, for I cannot fill the chasm...
IN OOOOOZAAAA WAAAAADS
PREEEASE BE TRUUUUUUUUE!
I am not available because I am watching a video that takes up the entire screen.
Gaston, you are positively from the Nonstop Megamix.
What could be lamer than playing a game of golf with a gamer?
Let's start a band!
... start a nuclear band!
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament, put on a stupid-looking shirt, and go BOWLiiiiiing... iiiinsteeeead!
George Lucas doesn't care about black people.
"How can black people rise up and overcome?" "___ ___ ___ ____?" "That is INcorrect, I'm sorry."
So here's this giant enemy crab, and you... attack its Away Message for massive damage.
She's like, "so, whatever"... you could do so much better... chigau yo ne kedo... maybe you're my love!
GIRLS AND BEER
An' I'm fee-lin'....... sore all over!
Yes I'm-a....... sore all over!
Go ahead and touch NiGHTS... that is, if you're into that sort of thing.
Go go Gadget ANYTHING!!
GO HOME! NOBODY LOVES YOU!
Go WEEEEST... with a grateful heart
Go WEEEEST... to the Holy One
Go WEEEEST... where the skies are blue
Go WEEEEST... this is what we're gonna do
There's someone I'm waiting for
There's someone waiting for me
So somewhere is the place I'd really like to be
Gondor needs no stinking badges.
Every heart beats true over red, white, and blue
Where there's never a boast or brag,
But should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to MIIIIIND?
Greensleeves was Almond Joy
Greensleeves was my delight...
Guhreasy NOT fun! Uh-uh uh-uh uh-uh!
Guilty! Guilty, guilty, guilty! Hahaha, I love that word. Guilty!
So hold OOOOOOON me! Schlep into a target OOOOOOOON me!
It only kind of matteeeeers... in the eeeeend!
Writing out those Christmas cards, _________, NOW WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING? And finding a Christmas tree.
Hey little thing, lemme light your chemicals
Oh mama, I'm su-ure to henna now, yes I am
Have You Had Your Audioscrobbler Today?™
HEADON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO YOUR MOTHER! HEADON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO YOUR MOTHER! HEADON! APPLY DIRECTLY TO YOUR MOTHER!
HeadOn! Apply directly to the shut the hell up!
I'm a ladies' man, just a turbo nitrous freak!
I combed your daughter any day of the week!
Help!! I'm going to killed, Ms. Lacus!
Help, help, a Herrible Hoffalump! Hoff, Hoff, a Hellible Horralump! Holl, Holl, a Hoffable Hellerump!
So FAAAAAAR awaaaay... leave me to myself!
So FAAAAAAR awaaaay... BLEE BLAH BLEE BLAH YEAH
In my HANDS, in my HANDS again, BLEE BLAH BLEE BLAH YEAH
In my HANDS, in my HANDS, BLUH BLAH BLEE BLEHHHH!
Like a twister, I was born to wear cologne.
Hey,Phoenix Wright!! His Away Message colla pses with this evidence product !!
Soooooooo hip to be a square!
HIPY PAPY CHTHUTHDTH THUTHDA CHRTHUTHMASY.
HIPY PAPY EPHUTHDTH THUTHNA EPHTHUTHANY.
Into the world of perfect dreeeeeeeams
YOU AIN'T NO LOVELY
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius....... on holidaaaaay!
Night ON THE BLOOD LIAR
HOT FUUUUUN IN THE SUM-MER-TIME
HOT FUUUUUN IN THE SUM-MER-TIME
Wanna hear a boring joke in my open mind?
Mama was burning a hole in my heart!
Stripping me down to HO TEMPTATION!
Haaaate to give in, defeated by Lust!
Sub-ma-rine, BURNING IN HELL! Gendo as WELL!
This guy is burning the fire of delight!
Pepsi-Cola THROUGH THE NIGHT!
Holding me tightly and grab the light!
Sub-ma-rine, BURNING IN FIRE!
How about it? Want to Dualize with me?
I've BEEN wrong! I've BEEN down!
Right to the bottom of Harry Potter!
Hydraulic suspension thigh pads with cool Kevlar crap.
Hitchin' me, I'm a telephone world now
Hitchin' me, I'm ahead of my game
Never stop just to give me one nod now
Gonna take you out all the same
I can survive anything -- even nukes!
I CANNOT BECOME A GUNDAM!
I could get beaten by a sponge! It wouldn't even have to be an EVIL sponge!
I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food-drop whopper!
I drive a Toyota Camry! You do not talk about my Toyota Camry that way!
I feel it! I feel the KOS-MOS!
I had to slit a few throats, but... I got it!
I hate my life. Every day I polish my revolver and I shoot my head. Like a rock star.
I have HAD it with these MOTHERF***IN' SONG LYRICS on these MOTHERF***IN' AWAY MESSAGES!
The cloud is moving nearer still
Aurora borealis comes in YO-O-OU!
Aurora comes in YO-O-OU!
And Ira-a-an, Iran so far awa-a-ay...
I said, STRONG CHRISTIAN OVERTONES!
I want a new horn! Made of bright yellow brass! One that won't burn a hole in my wallet! One that won't sound like @$$!
And this shall be for music when no one else is near:
The fine song for singing, the rare song to hear!
That only I remember, that only you admire,
Of the broad road that stretches and the roadside fire...
I WOULD BE ALLER STRONG AND BIG THAN ANYONE!
Will you hose me down with Arctic Silver if I get too hot? HOT!
I'm not talkin' 'bout the linen
And I don't want to change your life
But there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
And I'd really love to see you tonight
I'll repress the rage I'm feeling!
I'm a dude! HEY! He's a dude! HEY! We're all dudes! HEY! MOTTO MOTTOOOO!
I'm going to f***ing bury that guy; I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Cablevision.
I'm heir to the throne of Condo.
I'm RUNnin' out of food... and I ain't lyin'.
So I'm off to the store.
I'm Tony Schiavone and we have a CAPACITY CROWD on hand here tonight for what is sure to be the BIGGEST AWAY MESSAGE EVER!
I've just received word that a rare treasure has been stolen by a masked female.
'Cause my style's like a chemical SPEAR
Features rhymes of confusion and FEAR
Conducting in four, it's a hell of a concept
The girlies on standby, wavin' just to say hi
Did you stop? ..... 'Course you did!
If lx people each buy an n-year term insurance at time 0, and the force of mortality is constant atl, how much would each of them have to pay Scintilla to prevent him from going crazy?
If Teiresias says you don't want to know, you don't want to know.
IF YOU CHANGE TABS TO SPACES, YOU WILL BE KILLED!!!!! DOING SO F***S THE AWAY MESSAGE PROCESS!!!!!
If you pay 72 to buy a 7% bond with semiannual coupons and face value 100 to yield 8% (nominal annual rate compounded semiannually), how long is it before Scintilla goes crazy?
'Cause you know we've been in amazing fun
And we are losing control to get away
Iiiii've been workin' on my Caaaaamryyyyy, aaaaall the livelong daaaaaay.
In Soviet JustListed.com, your next home finds YOU!
In Soviet Russia, a winner is YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, drugs don't do winners!
In Soviet Russia, Google f***ing kills YOU!
In Soviet Russia, her horns YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, it must whip YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, it's YOU !!
In Soviet Russia, Mudkips like YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, my @$$ just whooped Steve Austin!
In Soviet Russia, only forest fires can prevent YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, we tattoo YOU!
In Soviet Russia, weak point attacks YOU!!
In Soviet Russia, YOU are watching Big Brother!
In Soviet Russia, YOU illegally wiretap the government! -- wait...
In Soviet Russia, YOU infect Internet Explorer with spyware!
In Soviet Russia, YOU restrict DRM's fair use rights!
In Soviet Windows XP Media Center Edition, entertainment tunes into YOU!
Instant (clean) fox! Just add water!
I'm adding water.
And in a vision,
Iphigenia saw her brother Orestes,
Who was being chasèd by the Amenities;
And he cried out in anguish:
"Oh ye gods!
Who knows what it is to be running?
Only he who is running, running, running knows."
This is a recording! Do do dadododo.
This, this is a recording! Do do dadododo.
This is a recording! Do do dadododo dododo.
It vexes me. I am terribly Vexen.
IT'S A COOKBOOK!
It's Windows from Microsoft! Order today! P.O. Box 286-DOS! EXCEPT IN NEBRASKA!
But I never could believe
The things they did and said
Have you heard the news today?
*JAMES BROWN IS DEAD*
Jeremiah was a Gottwald! Was a good friend of mine!
So get out your cards and shop around! Shop around!
Wish you would step off from that ledge my friend
You could cut ties and formalize what you've been livin' in
Just according to keikaku.*
* (Keikaku means plan.)
Keyboard not working well. Avoiding typing for a while.
Kids, don't use Formula One racecars to chase hedgehogs.
To me you're like a word a dictionary can't define
Won't you tell me it's the alphabet?
Dans un monde parfait...
L'humanité existe comme L'Arc~En~Ciel...
Something involving my laundry.
An' I'm lookin' to this guy to save me!
Lookin' for a sauna light!
Let's get now! Let's get no-ow!
Turn the music, won't you hear that so-ound!
Let's get this pasta started!
Let's nuke these f***ing Away Messages and get it over with.
This ain't no party! This ain't no disco! This ain't no country club either!
Like, reach the man, good good good, let us counter-attacking.
Living in America! (America!)
Living in America! (What did you TELL them?)
Living in America!
Living in America! (I met your CHILdren.)
In one word he told me secret of success in actuarial exams: memorize!
Sharif don't like it ...................
LOCK the taskbar! LOCK the taskbar!
Dance around in the place! Let my DJ RIDE THE BASS!
Look at that FAT AWAY MESSAGE! ... Sorry Doctor, that was !@#$ed up.
Look at that low plane! Fine. Then.
People of the WORLD....... JOIN hands!
Start a FLOOD plain! FLOOD plain!
LUPAAAAAAN THE THIIIIIIIIIRD!
LUPAAAAAAAAN THE THIIIIIIIIIIIIIRD!
Nice shootin'! Try another one!
Keep Dhalsim, ago study day!
Make AOLIM Up Yours.™
Make Herr's His.™
Make Herr's Up Yours.™
Make your babies ABNORMALLY FAT! They'll eat as much as AMERICANS! People will see them eating and think they're AMERICANS! They'll eat in an eating contest against actual AMERICANS but then they'll all be beaten by someone who has to be deported back to JAPAAAAAAAAN!
Saaaaaaaaaa sa erai yatcha erai yatcha yoi yoi yoi yoi yeeeeeeahhh!
SO REACH OUT! TOUCH THE SKY!
DON'T FULL DOWN IT'S TIME TO FRY!
Hey-hey! Welcome to MegaRace, the action show where violence only happens once every few seconds.
--on the edge.
Crimson Night and Celsion Moon,
missfiction, not save the Player is Prayer,
yes, Dance Romanesque and unfinished Romancia.
Can I just have one more moonbounce with you...... my love?
Fooooour am [sic] in the morning
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
I watched your wision [sic] falling
Carried away by a moonlight shadow
Most of my friends my age are in grad school. I am not. Therefore, I'm at work.
Move 'ZIG'. For massive damage.
Good luck movin' up!
Oh Mr. Batman, I'm-a askin' just one thing
A-can you teach me, mm, yeah, the way you swing?
Taaake me HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHER
They um out ya how uh bout ya
SHINE ON ME SHINE ON YOU
At beautiful Mt. Airy Lodge, all you have to bring... is your love of everything!
HEATWAVE!!! This is my island in de sun...
Frown and order DOS! Oscars at Fort Knox!
Soaker stopper! That play was sober! HEY
Thought he said four-door! On the side you hit the floor!
Honter cobber ooner! Watch out for schooner!
Oh no! Everything has suddenly turned neo-cubist!
Never ending paaaaancaaaaaakes! Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah...
Lies that keep their secrets
Will now fall behind the clouds
There upon the rainbow
Is the answer to our never-ending
We are here to save the earth! uhhh... E-R-F! uhhh...
The following Away Message... has been paid for by the New World Order.
Life's worth it if you get it, and if you get it, won't you tell me how-ow?
Nobody loves the RHOMbus anymore!
Nobody loves to do the crazy things we used to do before!
I just found out there's no such thing as a Ringworld, just a lie you've got to rise above.
They loooove toooo teeeell yoooou, "staaay iiinsiiide the lines"
And oooone moooore shaaadoooow leeeeans aaaaGAINST THE WALL
You will hopefully wonder why, my dear,/ Through your cataracts and Qatar...
No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to put up an Away Message.
No, THIS is Sparta!
Life can be more than switching on a black and white TV.
Nothing wins the justice.
Our Away Messages are backed by NUCLEAR WEAPONS!
Somebody-- Hey, who's that comin' down the chimney with the bag over his shoulder? ... *gasp* IT'S HIM! IT'S HIIIIIIIM! I THOUGHT HE WASN'T COOOOOMIIIIIIING!
Caaaaall on me OOOOOOOOR miiiiiiiine
Must we saaaay goodbyyyyyyyye?
Of COURSE you don't get a !@#$ing shockmount with it, you @#$%! It's a !@#$ing Neumann!
I'm from the IRS! And I've come to tax your--
Oh snap!!!! I do not hear such a truth...!?
Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's gone nuts. Light! LIGHT! GET A GRIP!
Oh, go dereference a null pointer!
Oh, go to /dev/null!
Oh, this is bad. -- No, lemme call it what it is. This is an Away Message!
The HP of Ari and friends has returned!
Okay, that is infuriating.
Okay, this "Jamster" ad that keeps blaring noise EVERY TIME YOU ACCIDENTALLY ROLL THE MOUSE OVER IT is really getting on my nerves after a few months.
It slices! It dices! It causes a 100,000 light year-diameter quantum explosion!
Once You Know, You Audioscrobbler.™
One finger will mean just try to get it over the plate. Two fingers will mean try not to throw it over the backstop. And three fingers will mean we'll all be glad when the season's over.
A parallelogram is just a crazy square.
I get my kicks ABOVE the waistline, sunshine!
Oomph... just a little bit
Oomph... a LITTLE BIT MORE
Oomph... just a little bit
You know why I'm looking for
Win = Very Yes.
My jooooooob... is an awe-some job!
It reeeeeeeigns... from the 10th floor above!
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my Away Message, ye mighty, and despair!"
Fe-fe-fe-fe-fe-feels so good!
Hey- hey- hey baby!
Bring it on down!
Permit my hazard into your plight:
Once life sucked, now 'tis all right?
12:45: Restate my assumption.
12:50: Pressed for time.
1:00: Mathematics is the langauge of nature.
2:00: Everything around us CAN be represented and understood through numbers.
Pinball of some variety.
Pinky, you have the mental reasoning skills of a burlap sack.
Play baseball with me, otherwise I will kill you.
I am not available because I am playing a computer game that takes up the whole screen.
Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor mantenganse alejado de las puertas.
Please step out to your left. Step out to your LEFT please! WHEN the car stops, step OUT to your left.
"How odd it looks!" said Miss Kitty Fluffington. "Very non-Euclidean."
The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They say a girl who gossips is a whore!
Because tragedy comes when someone gets too special.
It's strong and it's sudden, it could be cool sometimes
But if I just see your eyes...
It's like crystal meth in a pill! It's crystal meth in a pill! SUDAFED IS CRYSTAL METH!
My little eyes (clap clap)
Are WAAAAtching you (clap clap)
They see your eeeeeveryyyyy moooove
It's NIMH! It's NIMH! It's pseudo-NIMH! Not pseudo-name! I can't take it anymore!
Psycho Kira, qu'est-ce que c'est?
Pushing it (my CPU, that is) to the limit.
Pushing it to the limit.
(Where "it" = my computer.)
OHHH ho ho ho ho hohoho! RRRRRaceway Park!
I wish the re-ULLLLLL world would just stop happenin' to me...
What the ****.
What the ****.
What the ****?
What the ****?!
WHAT THE ****!!!
WHAT THE... ****!!!
I have a big gun! I took it from my Lord!
Sick with justice, I just wanna bang you!
I am your angel, only a ring away!
YOU MAKE ME VIOLATE YOU, NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE!
SAY SPEED RAVE!
RELEASE HIM OR ELSE I WILL CUT YOU OFF ROOT!
Remember Coney Iiiiiiiisland and how it used to be?
Now it's anything it ever was AT ALL!
Remember: It's not The legend of MAX if there really are monkeys eating your roommate's brains.
You say you want a Wiiiiiiiiii? We-e-ell, you kno-o-ow...
Rhinox does not entail death: Rhinox IS death.
Right, and the award for best hardcore thrash metal goes to... "Simpsons Christmas Boogie"?!?
I know I'm searching for something, something so hard to find...
Ronzoni Sonny Bono... Ronzoni Is So Good!™
I... can't... GET... no-woo! Ti... -re... trac... tio-onnn!
Saaaaaay goodnight, about the break of dawn
Coooooome tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone
SAY IT AIN'T SOOO-oo-whoa-oo-WHOA!
YOUR DOOOOG IS A HEARTBREAKERRRRRR!
Scintilla "hungry": TALK FOR YOU!!!
Scintilla has spoken! My rigid grill structure!
Scintilla needs sleep badly!
Scintilla! What does Natalie Merchant's band name say about her maniac level?
Seaman's Furniture, where service. May I help you? Plus price. Ka-ching! Equals satisfaction. AHHHHHHHHH.
We had joy, we had fun, we had raisins in the sun...
Sekai (mo Kotonoha) wo kakumei suru tameni!
Doin' *GARBLED* will lift you up until you break...
No. We're talking about sexual harassment here. And I DON'T have to take it.
Ah ah ah ahhh! Ah ah ah
But all I wa-ant...
Is Trapcode SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiine down on meh!
Jukebooooooox! Jukebox of mi-ee-i-yi-yine!
This guitar costs twelve hundred dollars.
This guitar costs twelve hundred dollars.
This guitar costs twelve hundred !@#$ing dollars. LET'S GET IT!
This PS3 costs 599 US dollars.
This PS3 costs 599 US dollars.
This PS3 costs 599 !@#$ing US dollars. LET'S GET IT!
I've been one war correspondent
I've been too too hard to find
But it doesn't mean you ain't been undermined
SIT DOWN AND DRINK YOUR GODDAMN TEA!
You know I dress for every situation. (Doot doot doot da-doo doo.)
I can fly! HEY! You can fly! HEY! We can fly! HEY!
Let's Slayers Slayers RevoLUtion!
Won't you... CHAU-ffeur me? I will... CHAU-ffeur you.
Sleep or something similar.
Snape? Snape! SNAAAAAAAAPE!!
So, did they, like, totally get rid of the 1024 character limit on AOLIM profiles, or something?
What am I gonna do if I can't get you
To fix the English lyrics to this song?
Can't get them out of my head
I want to knock them down the staaaaaairs
And when the night wind sharts...
Kids, there's nothing more cool than being IMed by someone you like, but if someone tries to touch your Away Message in a place or way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's NO GOOD.
Kids, there's nothing more cool than getting engaged to someone you like, but if some cartel tries to control the world's supply of diamonds in a place or in a way that makes you pay way too much for one, that's NO GOOD.
It's your legally bought movie; no one has the right to stop you from watching it on your Ipod or Linux box if you don't want them to. So what do you do? First, you say, "09 f9 11 02 9d 74 e3 5b d8 41 56 c5 63 56 88 c0!" Then, you get outta there!
Kids, there's nothing more cool than buying a movie you like. But if the MPAA tries to restrict your fair use of a movie you legally bought in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's NO GOOD!
Kids, there's nothing more cool than RIIIIIIIIDGE RACER! But if Sony Computer Entertainment tries to retail the Playstation 3 for 599 US DOLLARS, that's NO GOOD.
Kids, there's nothing more cool than driving on freshly repaved roads, but if state construction projects try to touch your commute in a place or in a way that makes you late for work, that's NO GOOD.
Kids, there's nothing more cool than being called by someone you like! But if the government tries to get your phone company to track your calling records in a place or in a way that doesn't involve getting a search warrant first, that's NO GOOD.
Doin' the things a spider can
What's he like? It's not important
So, has the TCNJ Class of 2006 found a cure for spina bifida yet?
What... makes... the Dragon Ball bounce, the Dragon Ball bounce, the Dragon Ball bounce?
*girly scream*! STEP IN TIME! *girly scream*! STEP IN TIME! NEVER NEED A REASON NEVER NEED A RHYME! *girly scream*! STEP IN TIME!
Maybe I'll find some new amplifier... maybe a Mesa?
(That was a joke. Ha ha, fat chance!)
I'm doing actuarial science and I'm still alive at time t!
Stirling Cigars Party! Sons of Liberty throw 17 tons of Cigars into the sea at Stirling!
... wait a sec.
Stirling: The Best a Man Can Get.™
STOP... THE ROCK
CAN'T STOP THE ROCK
YOU CAN'T STOP THE ROCK
Stop... the rock! (dun dun da nun a NUN) HEAD OUT ON THAT HIGHWAY! (dun dun da nun a NUN)
Studying or something similar.
I have TWO things to say:
1) Sashay, chantez.
2) You better work.
LET'S GO SURFIN' NOW
EVERYBODY SURFIN' NOW
COME ON LET'S SAFARI WITH MEEEEEEEEEEEE
Sustenance procurement expedition.
With oooone breath! With oooone flow!
You wiiiiill know! E-las-ti-ci-ty!
... wait, that's not right...
Another working DAAAAAY has endeeeeeeed!
Only the Russians HAAAAAAVE toothpaste!
Titi a fen! Ta ta for now!
GET TO THE WORKING OVERTIME PART!
Telephooone opeRAtor! Telephooone opeRAtor! Telephooone opeRAtor! Telephone OPeratoh-oh-or!
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, really bad Away Message.
That was BAD! I will forget your dancing!
That's Solomon Milon Dish.
Tell me do you know 'bout the Shounen, the Shounen?
Tell me do you know 'bout the 7-Zip?
The AMV Hell 4 Project was our last, best hope for a decent multi-editor project.
Willow willow willow tiddy willow willow willow tiddy willow WILL-ow willow willowwwww.
The In the Groove is not deeeeeead
I'm so glad the In the Groove is not dead
Another rejected movie title: The Devil Wears Lucas Prada
Grendel Grendel Grendel, I made you out of clay...
The Echo Consortium was our last, best hope for a promising new digital music retail channel (and some awesome personalized Internet radio stations).
A hideous throng rush out forever,
And laugh -- but smile no more.
The HEAAAAAART brings you BAAAAAaack!
OOOOOON that you can reLYYYYYYYY!
Normal people don't sit at home and look at KHAN! on the Internet!
So just make sure you got it all set to go
Before you come for my piano...
LOVE! PEACE! AND U-NITY!
SIBERIA, THE PLACE TO BE!
The Longhorn Project was our last, best hope for a good OS.
And Britons never, never, never shall be married to a mermaid at the bottom of the deep blue sea!
Correction entered. I would enjoy talking to a not-stupid.
It can be proven that the sample mean, which is the sum of sample values divided by N (the size of the sample), is an unbiased estimator of the population mean.
So does that mean that the N's justify the means?
Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vexen!
"Merry Christmas to all -- now you're all gonna die!"
Konbini ga suki, HA HA HA HA HA!
Thinking that he'd need one, I gave him a cell phone... But no one ever calls him on it; I don't think he's ever used it. I don't think he has any friends.
If hairballs, grease, and Guu won't let the water through,
Blame it on the DRAAAAAAIIIIN, yeaaaaaahh yeah!
The Presbyterian Church, like, enjoys you not.
The presidential debates were our last, best hope for enlightening policy discussion. They failed.
But in the years when we became old enough to play drinking games, they became something greater: our last, best hope for getting totally smashed.
AND THE CUBASE IIIIS YOUUUUUUUUUUU!
I'll cross that bridge when I've burrrrrrrned it!
Another day to make my stand, oh-woh!
Love and joy come to you
And to you your waffle too
And god bless you and send you a happy new year
The wish power are together with you!
Don't stop for a show, and I don't care... just say hello.
There's not a man aLIVE who could hope to measure UP
To that blend of Paul BUNYAN, St. Pat, and Noah WEBSTER
You've concocted for yourSELF out of your IrishimaginationyourIowastubbornnessandyourlibraryfullabooks!
There's only one thing to do: MIX HARD LIQUOR and BEER!!
Every mooooooooMENT I'm away, the further I'm away!
What a change! You're really not a b!@#%.
This Away Message is going nowhere TO BE FOUND!
This concept of "Away Messages" CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
This is the greatest Away Message in the history of our sport!
This ray tracer is going nowhere TO BE FOUND!
This ray tracer is going somewhere TO BE FOUND!
Time is a one-way street. Except... in the Twilight Zone.
I'm a former visionary
Now capturing more than most eyes dare
I am sitting in the café and the man behind the counter
Lifts his coffee to his lips and he pours me... uh... and he pours me Coca-Cola
And the woman at the window bends down and she touches her shoe
And she thinks that I am looking at her but[t] I see the train
Doo doo do do, doo da doo do...
BUT I WAS GOING TO GO TO TOSHI STATION TO PICK UP SOME POWER CONVERTERS!
Iiiiiiiiii'm gonna love ya
'Till the river stops the rain
Truth is I thought it mattered. I thought that MUsic... mattered. But does it bollocks... not compare to our people matter.
Je deviens japonais!
Je crois que je deviens japonais!
Je crois vraiment que oui!
TYRANNOSAURS IN F-14s!!
Uh... I wish for the Nile!
Whoa -- whoa -- WHOOOOOA yeah! It's unbelievable.
Then I'm throwin' dice in the alley
Uncle Lina comes up and he's like, "I'm going to stroke it."
I'm like, "Your arms are broken!"
VALUE ERRORS ON A MOTHERF***IN' LINE 52!!! AND THERE'S NOT A GOD-DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!
Verb: It's What's For Dinner.
THIS MEANS NOTHING TO MEEEEEEEEEE!
VOUS N'AVEZ AUCUNE CHANCE DE SURVIVRE FAÎTES VOTRE TEMPS.
V², do you is ****ing
Waiting for GoDOT! Oh-ohhh!
When you would be here in my arms!
Waiting for GoDOT! Oh-ohhh!
I've dreamed of this love for so long!
I wanna live (I wanna live)! A brand new day (a bright new day)! Go far away (go far away)! To Koala-Wala Land!
... wait, that's not right...
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide shut all the time
I'm walking on sunshine!
Weeeeelllll! It's time to feel good!
Yeah! All right now! It's time to feel good!
It's time, time, time, time, time, time to feel good!
Yoooo, je vais te dire ce que je veux, ce que je veux vraiment vraiment!
Alors, dis-moi ce que tu veux, ce que tu veux vraiment vraiment!
Je veux, je veux, je veux, je veux vraiment vraiment vraiment faire zigazig ah!
Wanted: Somebody to close my goddamn driver's window for me. This is not a joke. email@example.com. You'll get paid after we get the window closed. Must bring your own tools. Success not guaranteed. I have never tried this before.
Wanted: Somebody to go to Otakon 2007 with me. This is not a joke. firstname.lastname@example.org . You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own costumes. Pocky not guaranteed. I have only done this twice before.
Wanted: Somebody to open my goddamn apartment door for me. This is not a joke. email@example.com. You'll get paid after we get the door open. Must bring your own WD-40. Success not guaranteed. I have never tried this before.
Wanted: Somebody to play animé/VG music at animé cons with me. This is not a joke. firstname.lastname@example.org . You won't get paid. Must bring your own instrument. Applause not guaranteed. I have only done this twice before.
Wanted: Someone to come up with a good trance/techno artist name for me. This is not a joke. email@example.com . You'll get paid after I land a record deal. Must bring your own synths. Airplay not guaranteed. I have never done this before.
AOLIM! Huh! What iiiis it GOOD for? Aaaabsolutely NOTHin'!
War! Huh! What is it good for? Nothing! Absolutely NOTHING! STUPID!! YOU'RE SO STUPID!!
Sitting on the top of the bay, wasting time.
We built this city! We built this city on wheat and ore!
Little Rock! Pasternack! Mickey Mantle! Marowak!
We need to get you some serious clown care, man!
We're going to need another Timmy!
What is LO-O-O-O-o-o-o-ove... a-NY-wa-yee?
Does AN-ybody love anybody anyway?
What you currently have -- IN YOUR MOUTH! -- is an AWAY MESSAGE!
And I pray!
Oh my GOD DO I pray!
I pray every single day
For a Wii!
What's wrong with running away from reality if it sucks?!
What, you thought a big sign saying "Nanami est un vache" wasn't going to make Keiko blow a fuse!?
BAY-baaaaaeeyaaaaaaay yeah yeah
Oh I get shoes when I'm with youuuuuuuuuu!
When Your Bank Says No, Audioscrobbler Says Yes.™
And as always, gumshoes, this Away Message is bankrolled by the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and by Viewers Like You.
Where's that DAMN fourth Chaos Emerald?!
When a pairing comes along, YOOOUUU must ship it!
When a bovine comes along, YOUUUUUU must tip it!
When an album comes along, YOOOUUU must rip it!
Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't yet, why are our heads spinning?
Why don't they make a trim of the Toyota Corolla called the "Corolla RY"?
MY FRIEND'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND HE HATES THAT!
HE TELLS ME E-VE-RY DAY!
Why universe hate Zzzzzzzzcintilla?!
Why was Zexion afraid of Saix? Because Saix Axel Demyx!
You just need to insert the modules, without the help of God. Isn't it great?
(Ostensibly) working from home, please do not distract. Messages will be returned when possible.
The WMP is playing all the usual
And what's a "Wonderwall" anyway?
YOU ARE A SACRIFICE ARTICLE THAT I CUT UP ROUGH NOW!
You are on the way that has been prepared for you. You have no choice but to revolutionize the world make your time.
You are RIGHT, Mr. Fettuccine!
You are warm hungry.
YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON New Jersey higher education FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!
You idiots! We've ALL got Away Messages!
You think this Away Message is fun, but who wrote it? I don't care! All I know is that we didn't write it, and that's reason enough to assume the worst and blow it to kingdom come!
You will not enjoy this. I am not your beautiful wife.
YOU! INVADERS! GET YOU THE HOT BULLETS OF SHOTGUN TO DIE!
You're in good hands with Regions.™
You're not fully cleeeeean unless you're CHEF Boyaaar-dee!
Your Away Message Blows.
You touched my body once.
Kimi ga kuchizusamu
Boku wa kiiteru
Kiki wo boi no nai MELODY...
Zurich Financial: Because $#!@ Happenz.™